Let me tell you about my latest adventure: golf. That’s right, I decided to pick up the clubs later in life. Or better said, they picked me. I’ve taken lessons, made time for practice, and drumroll—I’m still pretty terrible at it. But here’s the kicker: I’m having a blast. For someone who’s spent years in high-pressure environments, where being the best and excelling is practically a given, stepping onto the golf course and losing ball after ball has been a refreshing, humbling, and joyful experience. And it’s taught me something crucial: as high achievers, we need to improve at not being great at everything.

Many high achievers like myself fall into the trap of avoiding new hobbies or pursuits because they fear not being immediately good at them. We excel at so many things that stepping into a space where we’re beginners again feels uncomfortable, maybe even embarrassing. But here’s the thing: fostering emotional flexibility and learning to expand our sense of self beyond what we’re good at can lead to tremendous personal growth and, yes, even joy.

The High Achiever’s Struggle with Perfectionism and Fear of Failure

It’s no secret that high achievers often hyper-focus on excellence. We don’t just want to try something new—we want to master it. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), perfectionism has been on the rise over the past few decades, particularly among young people, with studies showing that perfectionism is strongly linked to increased anxiety and depression. The fear of failure isn’t just a fleeting feeling—it can be paralyzing, stopping us from even attempting activities that we aren’t immediately great at.

High achievers avoid hobbies that don’t align with their established skill set. Why risk looking foolish or, worse, incompetent? The focus becomes less about the enjoyment or experience and more about the outcome. Are we succeeding? Are we getting better? If not, why bother?

But when we limit ourselves to only the activities where we can excel, we miss out on valuable opportunities for personal growth. By hyper-focusing on outcomes, high achievers often ignore the process—the learning, the play, and the exploration that make life richer.

The Importance of Expanding Our Sense of Self

Our identities often get tied to the roles we play in life: successful professionals, top students, parents, and leaders. And while these identities are important, they shouldn’t be the entirety of who we are. When we avoid activities or hobbies because we might not excel, we stifle our personal growth and limit our sense of self.

By pursuing new and unfamiliar hobbies—whether golf, painting, or learning a musical instrument—we allow ourselves the space to expand beyond the rigid identity of “the high achiever.” We develop emotional flexibility—the ability to adapt and grow in the face of new challenges. This emotional flexibility is essential for resilience and mental well-being, as it teaches us to accept imperfection and failure as part of life rather than a reflection of our worth.

Statistics show that high achievers who are overly concerned with perfectionism or the fear of failure are more likely to experience chronic stress and anxiety. A study published in the Journal of Anxiety, Stress & Coping found that perfectionism is associated with increased levels of anxiety and a fear of making mistakes, particularly in high-pressure environments like schools and workplaces. These tendencies can lead to burnout, missed opportunities, and a diminished sense of joy in everyday life.

The Cost of Avoiding New Experiences

By clinging to the need to be the best, we close ourselves off from experiences that might bring us fulfillment in unexpected ways. High achievers often see life through the lens of productivity and outcome—”What am I gaining from this?”—which limits the spontaneity and joy that come from trying new things without pressure.

Think about it: how many opportunities have we lost by not exploring simply because we were too afraid of not being good? What if we tried something just for the joy of it? By stepping out of our comfort zones and engaging in activities where we might not excel, we open ourselves to new experiences, insights, and connections that might otherwise be lost.

For me, it’s golf. And while I’m certainly not Tiger Woods, I’ve discovered a different kind of satisfaction in just showing up, trying, and enjoying the process—terrible shots and all. It’s taught me mindfulness, the ability to laugh at myself, and a new way of experiencing growth that isn’t tied to perfection.

Supporting High Achievers: Evidence-Based Interventions for Growth

It’s not just about getting outside of our comfort zones—it’s about doing so with intention and the right tools. Evidence-based interventions like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) have proven highly effective in helping high achievers manage their perfectionism and fear of failure. By reframing thoughts around success, failure, and self-worth, high achievers can better understand that their value isn’t tied to any single outcome. Mindfulness-based interventions can also help individuals stay present, embrace the learning process, and reduce the stress associated with always needing to be the best.

Beyond therapy, hands-on tools like goal-setting exercises that focus on effort rather than outcome can shift the focus from “winning” to “learning.” Creating small, achievable steps that prioritize growth over perfection allows high achievers to appreciate the journey, even when they don’t immediately succeed.

Schools and parents can also implement flexibility regarding deliverable results through skill-building programs that teach resilience, stress management, and emotional flexibility. By teaching students how to fail constructively and celebrate effort rather than outcomes, we foster a generation of high achievers who are adaptable, resilient, and able to find joy in the process, not just the result.

Embrace the Journey: Let’s Get Started

As high achievers, we must learn to embrace the process of learning, failing, and growing. New hobbies and diverse activities allow us to step away from the pressures of excellence and allow ourselves to be human—imperfect, messy, and, dare I say, funny. The emotional flexibility we develop by doing this will serve us well in all areas of our lives.

So, if you need me, I’ll be on the golf course, losing balls and practicing mindfulness and resilience as I try to ask my body to do six impossible things at once. My shoulders, knees, and feet seem to be rooting for three different teams, lol. It’s a work in progress, but that’s the whole point.

If you feel that this is a critical perspective that your work or school community should receive support in strengthening, let’s work together. Let’s get them ready to embrace new challenges, expand their sense of self, and learn how to thrive no matter where they are in their journey; let’s take the next step together! Let’s schedule a consultation to bring this message and the evidence-based interventions, hands-on tools, and deliverable mindset shifts into your community.

Together, we can facilitate a lasting shift in how your community approaches uncertainty, skill development, and personal growth, making emotional flexibility and resilience a way of thinking and living. Reach out today, and let’s get started!